25-Year-Old Does Not Allow Father To See His Dying Mother At Hospital, Asks If He’s Wrong

Divorce is never easy on anyone, and it gets more complicated when children are involved. Recently, u/iamabadassbitch shared his story with fellow Redditors on the subreddit thread AITA, where he wanted to know if he had done the right thing for not wanting his father to visit his dying mother at the hospital who was “given a few months to live”, after he moved out to be with his new family.  He began: I’m a 25-year-old guy and my parents were in the process of divorcing when my mother got diagnosed with a terminal illness. After the diagnosis, my father stalled the divorce proceedings. My father filed for divorce after 26 years of marriage after he fell in love with his younger business partner [she was already pregnant]. She recently gave birth to his child. My mother was a stay at home mom for 25 years who took care of the entire household while my father worked long hours.

After his father dropped the bombshell about wanting a divorce, his mother was “blindsided” and “devastated” by the news and had “stopped eating properly”. He added: She was blindsided when my father told her about wanting a divorce. He told her that he would always love her as his best friend and as the mother of his 5 children, but he was also in love with this other woman. In the midst of this trying time, the 25-year-old assumed the responsibility of being the man of the house. Together with his siblings, they took care of their terminally-ill mother. He took her for appointments and even took out loans to pay for her treatment. His father had offered to pay for the medical expenses, despite the children not asking for it. Since his father had put the divorce on hold, his mother was still married to him legally when she died.

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In her final days, the father moved to a different city to be present for the birth of his daughter. When an uncle made a plea on Facebook asking for blood donations for the mother and also added that she was in a critical state, the father immediately flew back in to meet her. His son stated that when he arrived, he was in “bad shape”, and “begged” and “cried in front of everyone” to see her one last time, but the Redditor told him it was pointless as she was no longer conscious. At no point before that, did his mother ever express her need to see her husband. 

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He explained: I was/am her legal representative. I had the legal right to deny visitors. My mother’s entire family supported me in my decision to not let him see her. My grandma wanted the same. My siblings wanted the same. Even after his mother passed away, the father was not allowed to attend the funeral and memorial service as well because he believed “that he lost the right to see her in her pain when he was the one who caused her immeasurable pain.”

Most Redditors were of the opinion that iambadassbitch did the right thing, with user ultenth noting: Him visiting her in the hospital did nothing for anybody except for potentially him. It’s a selfish act that only allows him to feel like he can have some sort of creepy closure. But serves no purpose other than that, it doesn’t help the mom, it doesn’t help the family, it only allows him to try to get some of the guilt off before she passes. BagelsAndJewce was initially ambivalent about the situation but changed their mind after they realized that his father had an affair. They stated: You know I was like ehhh that might be a little too hard on him then you made the great point that he cheated on his SAHW after she did the job of raising his five kids. Asshole isn’t even the word I’d choose to describe him.

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However, there were others who disagreed with him. DarkMarxSoul opined that the son took it too far as an act of retaliation. This is what DarkMarxSoul had to say:

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 Atagapadalf echoed similar sentiments calling him “vindictive”. YTA. The mother was unconscious and the father was begging to be able to see her one last time. Not allowing him to see her was vindictive. They did it to punish him. It’s an uncommon case where you can do a kind thing by doing nothing, by just not standing in the way. They didn’t have to understand him, forgive him, or anything. They had the opportunity to easily be kind and chose to be punishing. The parents were married for 25 years, and together for we don’t know how long before that. People change, mistakes happen, immoral actions are taken. This sounds like children who didn’t understand what was at stake taking revenge on their father on behalf of their mother.  

Omar2play added things are not always black and white: YTA this is So fucked up why does everyone In this sub Always see things so black and white??? I mean your dad is an asshole to but you went way over the line by denying him his final moments with someone he considered his best friend and spend 25 years with. Your dad was clearly in regret and he still cared about your mother and Even wanted to pay for the treatment. Is this what your mother would’ve wanted? People who say nta don’t understand what you denied your father and how it will affect him. 

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