Wife Receives Letter Detailing 15 Reasons Why Her Husband Got Banned From Walmart For Life

During the early years of the internet, folks used to spread some hilarious viral stories (which were most likely made up) about some of the craziest experiences. Many of these stories are long forgotten, but some continue to live on as legendary online urban myths which many people still believe are true. One such story involves a funny list of offenses supposedly sent to a wife by a Walmart store explaining why the company was banning her husband from Walmart for life. Over the years, the name of the store tends to change, as do the name of the husband and wife, but the punchline remains the same.

The story begins with June Woolf receiving a letter from Walmart stating that her husband is no longer welcome to shop at their store. And when she reads the reasons explaining why he’s banned, it’s no wonder they don’t want him to come back! Reading through some of the mischievous and imaginative things her husband gets up to in Walmart has made folks laugh out loud for many years. And for the record, these antics definitely fall into the  “don’t try this at home” category — or in this case any Walmart store. Here’s the letter:

“Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart.

Dear Mrs. Woolf,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and, as a result, will ban your entire family from shopping in any of our stores if even one more incident occurs. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, have been compiled and are listed below:

1. November 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. November 23: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. December 10: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. December 23: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, “Code 3 in housewares!” … and watched what happened.

5. January 10: Went to the Service Desk and asked to reserve a bag of potato chips.

6. January 23: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. February 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’d bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. March 5: When a clerk asked if she could help him, he threw himself down on the floor, began to cry and wailed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’

9. March 26: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. April 2: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. April 15: Darted around the store, looking around suspiciously while loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

12. April 26: In the auto department, practiced his “Madonna look” using different size funnels.

13. May 1: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled, “PICK ME! — PICK ME!”

14. May 12: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed, “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!!”

And last, but not least:

15. May 16: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then yelled very loudly, “Hey, Somebody! I need some toilet paper in here!”


Mr. Wally Brown
Walmart Complaint Department

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